Have you ever had the thought, “I can’t handle this!”, or “This is too much for me right now,” or “I can’t take this anymore?”.

Yeah. Me too. Especially in the past year and a bit. With all of the stress and uncertainty so many things in my life got put on hold:

  • Traveling
  • Events
  • Seeing people I loved
  • Girls weekends
  • Romantic get-a-ways
  • Family vacations

And then there was the deep impact of grief. I’ve grown up more these past 18-months than I have in the previous decade. I’d always heard that nothing prepares you for the loss of a parent…and it’s true. And there’s absolutely nothing that can prepare you for the loss of your best friend. 

It’s been three months and twenty-one days since my best friend died. 

It’s been one year, six months and five days since my dad died. 

I hate to take a time-out this summer in order to truly feel all of my feelings and begin the slow process of healing. 

Here is what I’ve learned:

  • While the world may be uncertain, the one thing that you can focus on as a positive constant in your life is love. Tell people you love them, be loving, be generous with your love,  let people love you back, learn how to receive love.

  • Nurture what’s important to you now. Don’t believe the myth of “You’ve got time” or “You can do it later”. I regret taking time for granted and getting caught up in the weeds of life instead of remembering what really matters. The text, the phone call, the visit – I regret every single one I didn’t do and treasure every single one I did do.

  • Stay connected. Period. There’s a tendency for women when stressed or going through something hard to withdraw and isolate…to pretend everything is okay. Isolation is the enemy of healing. Being able to share, cry, hug, laugh with your friends or someone close to you is so important.

  • No amount of food or alcohol will help with the pain. At best, it’s a temporary analgesic. At worst, it’s self-destructive behavior that leads nowhere good. If you’re struggling, do whatever it takes to get the support you need to get on a better path.

  • Do yoga. Meditate. Walk. Write. Journal. Do anything that allows you to feel your emotions and let them move through you. Due to Covid there’s been no celebration of life for my Dad. I realized after going to my friend’s celebration of life that it’s like I’ve been living my life holding my breath. An unrelenting tension, stuck emotions, coping but not thriving. I had to give myself the gift of my own time to do whatever it was I needed to process all that I was feeling. It helped immensely.

  • The depth of the pain of loss is equal to the depth of love you feel. The pain exists because of the love. I am now able to embrace my pain instead of trying to fight it and push it away. I feel pain because I also felt such great love.

  • Laugh. Oh my God, it feels so good to laugh. Find the humor in things. Drop the seriousness. Check your perspective on things. I find myself asking the question “Does this really matter?” to make sure I’m not focusing on the wrong things and missing the good that’s right in front of me.

In the past few months I’ve slowed myself and my life down. I’m not in such a hurry for things. There’s a preciousness to life that I am so deeply aware of and grateful for. 

This Thanksgiving I’m focusing on all of the things I’m grateful for, including my pain, because this is what it means to be alive…to feel…to love… ❤️❤️❤️