I’m about to start my 48th journey around the sun today ~ that’s right, it’s my birthday and as I’ve done for the past few years I’m sharing with you my most salient lessons from these past 365 days in the hopes that you read ONE thing that allows propels you forward on your own journey.
- Decide, right now, that you’re enough. God knows I’ve spent the majority of my life seeking my enoughness. I wanted others to tell me or make me feel like I’m enough. I’ve chased goals like my life mattered on the success of them. I’ve longed for the feeling of it. Bent myself into a pretzel hoping I could people-please my way to enoughness. It didn’t work. No matter what I did I never got what I was seeking until I decided for myself that I. WAS. ENOUGH. So are you. Exactly as you are.
- If you want things to change you have to be the source of that change. Don’t wait for others to change first (you could wait forever). Don’t wait for the “right time” either (there never is one). This is a lesson that seems to be on repeat for me..!
- Most of the things that trigger you in life are here to stay (ie. your partner, mom, kids, 9pm, stress, etc.). Growth occurs when you learn how to respond to your triggers differently (see point 4).
- Boundaries are necessary. Resurrecting collapsed boundaries or creating new ones are difficult AND essential for your mental, emotional and physical well-being.
- Healing requires grace. And faith. And patience. And love.
- You can’t rush healing. I promise you I’ve tried…it doesn’t work. Cry until you’ve cried all the tears out. And then if you need to cry again on another day, do so. Marianne Williamson said, “If you have 54,000 tears to cry, crying 48,000 just won’t do – you’ve got to cry them all.”
- We are meant to be connected in real life with real people. If you feel isolated or lonely, be proactive in doing something to fix that. Try something new. Volunteer. Become a part of something. Find a place where you know you belong. It makes all the difference. We all want to belong somewhere…if you don’t get it right the first (second, third, or fiftieth time) try again.
- You’re allowed to make mistakes. Try to make new ones instead of the same ones continually. The former means you’re growing, the latter means you’re stuck in a pattern. Do whatever it takes to escape the pattern (see point 10).
- Awareness is the precursor to everything. If you’re not aware of why you are the way you are or why you do what you do how can you possibly change anything?
- Get curious about yourself. Start asking better questions of yourself so you can find better answers. “What’s wrong with me?” is a terrible question. “What’s going on for me right now?” is so much better. Need help with this? Go to therapy, journal, attend workshops and retreats. Be willing to do the inner work.
- Pay attention to messages – they’re coming at you all the time. Are you listening? It might look like three different people all recommending the same book, or lyrics in a song that stand out, or a podcast someone suggests to you. So often we’re not paying attention and yet we’re always being guided.
- Learn how to trust yourself. Stop lying. Stop the “white lies”. Stop saying one thing and doing another. Start telling the truth – to yourself and others. Hold yourself to a higher standard of integrity. This isn’t easy but it is life changing.
- Take your physical health seriously. Your body is your forever home. Most people abuse, neglect and take their body for granted by not getting enough sleep, eating poorly, and not moving. The body responds to how you treat it. Respect it. Honor it. Love it.
- Love yourself enough to start over. Take that exactly as you need to. We all need fresh starts sometimes.
- Remember to dream. It’s so easy to get caught up in always DOING that the dreaming goes by the wayside, coincidentally so can your happiness.
- Celebrate more often. Daily, weekly, monthly…what are you celebrating? How do you acknowledge you and those you love? Small wins. Big wins. They all matter. I remember how much I celebrated my kids as they learned or did something new. I’m weak at this and have it as a focus point for 2023.
- I read a quote or post today that said “You are here on earth to love. You will spend the majority of your free time watching TV.” Ouch. Pay attention to the things that suck your time/energy. Minimize those things – TV, Netflix, Social Media, online shopping, etc. Less “tech”, more love.
- Stop saying, “I don’t know”. It’s your job to know and understand yourself. (Read points 9 & 10 again). Search for the answer. Be relentless until you find it.
- Pay attention to false assumptions… “If he loved me he would do X, Y, Z… If she really cared about me she would blah blah blah…If they respected me they’d be more 1, 2, 3.” You set yourself up for misery when you create these rules or conditions for yourself and/or others. Most of the time people are doing the best they can to get by – and everyone is going through a challenge/struggle that you know nothing about.
- Have clear yes’s and clear no’s. This is helpful to everyone but especially yourself. Along with this one, say yes to more of the things that make your heart sing and say no more to the things that drain your energy.
- My goal is to be the person who loves first, loves most, loves big, loves hard, and loves with generosity of spirit. I can promise you that I’m not always successful. Fear can get in the way. So can a million other things. But I get to wake up the next day and try again. You can too.
- Break the rules (then change them). Especially the ones that aren’t working for you. Hate holiday traditions? Change them. Are you always the ones to travel? Stop traveling. Feel obligated to spend your time with family/friends who don’t lift you up but drain you instead? Don’t give your time to them anymore. Ruffle the feathers. Your happiness is at stake.
- Drink less alcohol. ‘Nuf said.
- Embrace it all:
- The good AND the hard.
- The joy AND the pain.
- The laughter AND the tears.
- The excitement AND the fear.
- The connection AND the loneliness.
- The love and AND the heartbreak.
This is what it means to be alive.
I am truly so grateful that I am here. And honestly, I’m grateful you’re here too – even if we’ve never met. Why? Because I know the world is a better place with you in it.
If any one of these was helpful to you, comment below and let me know. I’ll be back with the other 24 lessons on soon.
