In true transparency, I need to say that my life has had some massive ups and downs lately. I want to share what I’ve learned about how to handle this life roller coaster in the hopes you can use some of the same strategies I’ve used when/if you have to go through a ‘life storm’.
1. Find Your Sense of Humor
Seriously, it’s what will get you through. Yes, you can also focus on the things you are grateful for – there’s a TON of research that has proven an attitude of gratitude can make you a happier person. But nothing feels better than a good laugh at the ridiculousness of a situation, or how hard something is, or the injustice of having to deal with crappy people. Laughing is therapy. Fact.
2. Let two or three other people in your life KNOW what’s really going on so they can support you but don’t tell the whole world or else you will stay stuck in the repetition of the negative.
Every time you’re asked, “How are you?” and you have to dive deep into the gut-wrenching details of what’s wrong, it keeps the pain/frustration/anger right at the surface.
And you don’t need that. You need to work through it by both enduring it and focusing on where you want to go, how you want to feel. Not regurgitating the crappy details. BUT you do need to share those crappy details with somebody close to you because you *need* support and empathy and their kindness. Pick wisely.
3. Don’t turn to wine (or alcohol of any kind).
I know, I know – this is going to be counterintuitive to all of the advice your girlfriends give you – but don’t do it. It numbs you. It makes you gain weight. It makes you feel worse in the long run and the short term benefit (one night of escape) just isn’t worth it.
I know how tempting it is to just want a break from feeling crappy and wine can seem like the smart choice – but it isn’t. Alcohol is a depressant and if you’re in a life storm you’re probably already coping with enough stress.
Don’t do this to your body. Let your mind stay clear. Let yourself feel. You have to. You have to process the emotion of what you’re going through so you can move through it and not let it trap you like quicksand.
4. Stop marginalizing your needs and wants or deflecting what’s going on for you because it’s not as bad as some other women living in a third world country who can’t feed her children and is constantly living in fear of abuse.
Those things are horrible. And we must be global citizens and contribute in whatever way we can to change conditions of those who are much less fortunate than us (to be a white woman in North America).
BUT whatever is going on in your life is relevant and pertinent and matters. It’s your life. You’re allowed to have things suck and not just jokingly say…giggle “Well, you know it’s just a first world problem”…
5. Keep yourself on track and stay committed to being healthy.
This may be the hardest one of all. When stress is high, self-care is typically low. Sugar and alcohol can become major constituents of your diet. You sleep less. You stop cooking. You drink more coffee. You netflix binge. All of this impairs your brain and body and makes going through a challenging life situation ten times worse.
I know it’s likely you might do this because I did all of this and it was a downward spiral into feeling awful and hopeless.
I knew I couldn’t stay in that place so I got focused and I did some other healthier things instead. Here are 7 health strategies for you to try:
- Go to bed an hour earlier.
- Drink more water.
- Buy more precut vegetables so they’re easier to eat.
- Cook for yourself.
- Don’t drink alcohol.
- Stop eating candy and junk food – replace with real food
- Remember how strong you are and say kind things to yourself
My greatest wish for you is that your life is everything you want it to be and the fire in your heart burns bright.
And, I also know, many of you are struggling with things that are *hard* – things that feel soul-sucking, and life draining, and never-ending. I get it. I’m with you. I understand what that’s like.
In the life storms I’ve gone through and continue to go through, I’ve come to rely on the famous phrase that can be traced back to Persian, Sufi poets, and that is “This Too Shall Pass”. Because indeed, it will.
xoxo
Jen
