When Commitment Feels Scary
The Ultimate Sign
I was out for my long run today and was going about my thing…running…and saw this. It stopped me in my tracks and I had to catch my breath – it wasn’t just that I was breathing hard from exertion, it was like a SIGN had been put right on my running path intended only for me to see. And here’s exactly what ran through my mind as I read each line…
Commit
“No. I’m scared. I don’t know how.”
Commit
“No. Forget it. It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s too hard. People will think it’s stupid”
Commit
“I can’t. I’m still confused. I don’t know how to best say it. It’s jumbled up. I’m not ready yet”
Commit
“I want to. I do. But…I just feel full of ‘I don’t knows…’”
Commit
“I know. I know. I know. I know I’m selling out if I don’t. I know I’m playing small if I don’t. I know it’s what I need to do. How? How do I do this? How do I start?”
Commit
“I want to. I get a knot in my stomach. I feel nervous. I feel anxious. I feel emotional thinking about it. I get stuck in the ‘what ifs…’ too. What if people laugh? What if no one cares? What if I’m wrong? What if this doesn’t help anyone? What if..?
Commit
“Ok. Ok. Ok-enough!!! I’m willing. I’m ready. I mean not really “ready” but as ready as I think I’ll ever be. Ok. I’ll start. I promise. I commit. Please help me!”
There was a lot more than that but those are the essential pieces. You see, I’ve kinda been holding out…I’ve got some BIG stuff that I want to share and talk about and yet I’ve been unwilling to commit. I’ve been holding out on myself and you. And as much as I work with my clients every day around quieting their inner critic(s) mine have been having a field day.
This really should be my clue that I’m getting close to something big.
And you see, I’ve wanted to talk about this, what I’m feeling, what’s really going on for me but I’ve also felt like a hypocrite – I mean I’m a Coach, I should know better, I shouldn’t have saboteur thoughts and so on and so forth. But I do, and I’m working on them with my own Coach.
I also happen to have incredible friends who are also Coaches and they’re not letting me hide out. They’re calling me on my stuff…daily. Thank you, by the way – your acknowledgement and championing of me that has meant more than you know.
I commit.
This post is my first step.
And now I want to ask you, what have you wanted to commit to but haven’t for whatever reason?
- Maybe you’ve had one foot in and one foot out of your relationship because that just seems easier, you can’t get as hurt that way…or
- Maybe you’ve promised to take better care of yourself yet you don’t …or
- Maybe you’ve wanted to change your career because the one you’re in now is wounding your soul but you feel stuck because of the money and change just seems so hard…you get the idea.
I’ve been asking myself some pretty hard questions in order to help me move forward. Let me ask you too:
- What’s the worst thing that could happen if you took that first step?
- What are you modeling for your kids?
- What advice would you give your daughter if she was where you are now?
- What are you getting from staying stuck? Think about this…it must be something or you would have done something.
- How is fear holding you back? Write down what you’re afraid of – you’ll see it’s not so bad once it’s out of your mind and on paper.
Noticing the crap that you tell yourself and the sneaky way you can make it sound even logical (it’s safer this way, not ready yet, not experienced enough, don’t have enough time, etc.) is the beginning of being able to move forward.
This is the beginning of a new phase for me. I’d love to share the ride – if you’ve been holding out, afraid of committing to something you know is deeply important to you, then drop down into the comments section below and let me know I’ve got company.
WoooHOO JEN!!
It’s part of the creative process – this journey of fear, commitment, exhileration. Just remember you don’t have to do it all in a day, baby steps are fine till you get to a tipping point from where big leaps abound & it almost feels overnight-ish. Seems to me you’re at that place!
I’ve seen the pitches you’ve been hitting, the fast growth & launch, and now I’m seeing it pick up speed like a rocket on a mission. Jen, you do realise that your pace is pretty darn good & you’ve done a LOT even if you think you haven’t, right?
If this this is playing small, I can’t WAIT to see you really hit it out of the park! I’m witnessing your commitment and revelling in it, you amazingly awesomely inspiringly cool woman
Tia Singh, Coach T.I.A´s last blog ..Manifesting in the Matrix
[Reply]
Jennifer Powter Reply:
July 21st, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Tia, I’m sending you a huge virtual hug!! Thank you. I think it’s such a great reminder for all of us that when we’re in our stuff it can be so hard to see/feel progress. I keep reminding myself that my job is to keep putting one foot in front of the other – whether it’s a baby step or a huge leap doesn’t really matter as long as I keep moving forward. Thank you for being one of the amazing people in my life (friend and coach)!!!
xoxo
Jen
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Jen,
You inspire me every single day. I am rooting for you and rooting for me and rooting for all of the incredible women whose lives you knowingly and unknowingly touch. Thank you so much for this post. It was right on time for me. Huge love! (I carry you in my heart always.)
Sedia
[Reply]
Jennifer Powter Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Sedia, I’m rooting for all of us too! You know, it’s funny – I was at a cabin with my son and we were standing at the end of the dock as the sun was going down and in the water there were a million little minnows. I told him, “Honey, look down in the water, you can see minnows everywhere!” – so he looked and he looked and he was so excited to see them but no matter how *hard* he tried to look into the water to see the minnows he so desperately wanted to see, he couldn’t see them.
And I realized, what he wanted most was right in front of his eyes and because he didn’t know what to look for yet or how to see fish yet, he couldn’t see it.
It made me wonder how often this happens to me – how many times have I wanted something so badly I could taste it and whatever it is has been right in front of me all along but for some reason I can’t see it. It’s like when others can see something so clearly about you but it you can’t see it…know what I mean.
I’m going to take him to the end of the dock again tomorrow night and we’re going to look for the minnows. I’m going to let him be curious and try to find them his own way, maybe he needs to move around, maybe he needs to squint, maybe he just needs to see one little flutter of movement and he’ll know exactly where they are and he’ll see them.
God, this is more like a blog post than a comment…I guess what I challenge all of us to do is to look at something in our life a little bit differently. Stand back, look at it a different way – does anything change?
xoxo
Jen
[Reply]
Hi Jen,
GREAT post – thought about it the entire morning run and committment to a bunch of things I really to own up to and get real with myself for – Thanks for the kick in the ass !!!
Kathryn
[Reply]
Jennifer Powter Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Awesome Kathryn!!! Can’t wait to see what’s unfolding for you ~ great stuff, I know
Jen
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I love these divine synchronicities! As you know, I’m ‘new’ here but I LOVE your blog. Very inspiring. I love reading blogs that are written from the heart and when the writer is authentic and transparent about their own personal journey. I’ll be following along
So happy that we’ve connected!
Crystal – Prenatal Coach´s last blog ..I have a confession to make I can’t write
[Reply]
Jennifer Powter Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 9:05 am
Hey Crystal,
It’s SO great to meet you too! Synchronous meetings are the best
Thank you for popping on over and checking out my blog and commenting. I’ve got a huge value around being “real” so I figure I need/want to show up that way in my blog too!
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