When Commitment Feels Scary

The Ultimate Sign

I was out for my long run today and was going about my thing…running…and saw this. It stopped me in my tracks and I had to catch my breath – it wasn’t just that I was breathing hard from exertion, it was like a SIGN had been put right on my running path intended only for me to see. And here’s exactly what ran through my mind as I read each line…

Commit

“No. I’m scared. I don’t know how.”

Commit

“No. Forget it. It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s too hard. People will think it’s stupid”

Commit

“I can’t. I’m still confused. I don’t know how to best say it. It’s jumbled up. I’m not ready yet”

Commit

“I want to. I do. But…I just feel full of ‘I don’t knows…’”

Commit

“I know. I know. I know. I know I’m selling out if I don’t. I know I’m playing small if I don’t. I know it’s what I need to do. How? How do I do this? How do I start?”

Commit

“I want to. I get a knot in my stomach. I feel nervous. I feel anxious. I feel emotional thinking about it. I get stuck in the ‘what ifs…’ too. What if people laugh? What if no one cares? What if I’m wrong? What if this doesn’t help anyone? What if..?

Commit

“Ok. Ok. Ok-enough!!! I’m willing. I’m ready. I mean not really “ready” but as ready as I think I’ll ever be. Ok. I’ll start. I promise. I commit. Please help me!”

There was a lot more than that but those are the essential pieces. You see, I’ve kinda been holding out…I’ve got some BIG stuff that I want to share and talk about and yet I’ve been unwilling to commit. I’ve been holding out on myself and you. And as much as I work with my clients every day around quieting their inner critic(s) mine have been having a field day.

This really should be my clue that I’m getting close to something big.

And you see, I’ve wanted to talk about this, what I’m feeling, what’s really going on for me but I’ve also felt like a hypocrite – I mean I’m a Coach, I should know better, I shouldn’t have saboteur thoughts and so on and so forth. But I do, and I’m working on them with my own Coach.

I also happen to have incredible friends who are also Coaches and they’re not letting me hide out. They’re calling me on my stuff…daily. Thank you, by the way – your acknowledgement and championing of me that has meant more than you know.

I commit.

This post is my first step.

And now I want to ask you, what have you wanted to commit to but haven’t for whatever reason?

• Maybe you’ve had one foot in and one foot out of your relationship because that just seems easier, you can’t get as hurt that way…or

• Maybe you’ve promised to take better care of yourself yet you don’t …or

• Maybe you’ve wanted to change your career because the one you’re in now is wounding your soul but you feel stuck because of the money and change just seems so hard…you get the idea.

I’ve been asking myself some pretty hard questions in order to help me move forward. Let me ask you too:

1. What’s the worst thing that could happen if you took that first step?
2. What are you modeling for your kids?
3. What advice would you give your daughter if she was where you are now?
4. What are you getting from staying stuck? Think about this…it must be something or you would have done something.
5. How is fear holding you back? Write down what you’re afraid of – you’ll see it’s not so bad once it’s out of your mind and on paper.

Noticing the crap that you tell yourself and the sneaky way you can make it sound even logical (it’s safer this way, not ready yet, not experienced enough, don’t have enough time, etc.)  is the beginning of being able to move forward.

This is the beginning of a new phase for me. I’d love to share the ride – if you’ve been holding out, afraid of committing to something you know is deeply important to you, then drop down into the comments section below and let me know I’ve got company.