Why Being a WAHM Sucks Sometimes

(Ok – so the photo doesn’t really match the blog post title but I’m not gonna spend five hours trying to find the “right” photo. This is us. This is the good part of being a work at home mom).

So everybody is talking about “being yourself” and “being authentic” and being “real” – so here it goes…

My name is Jennifer Powter and I think that being a WAHM/mompreneur, whatever label you want to give it, simply sucks ass sometimes. Maybe this is just me – I dunno. But when I look around and compare – yes, I do it too even though I know it’s not healthy, good for me, does anything productive, and so forth, I do it because I want to learn how others are experiencing what I’m doing right now: working & being the primary caregiver of my almost 1 yr old and my almost 3 yr old.

What’s the secret? Is there a secret? Come on…fill me in!

I wanna learn from these women. I wanna know their secrets. I wanna know how they’re managing to “make 6 figures” and only work 10-15 hrs a week while having at least two children at home with them. And when it sounds so easy for them (and it’s not for me) I think they must have resources I don’t have like a full time nanny, or tons of loving child care like grand parents or aunts or sisters/brothers in town that help them out, or maybe they have a super wealthy partner so money isn’t an issue and working is simply something they do because it’s fulfilling for them but there’s no pressure on how much they make.

So I engage in this futile scouting around and comparing and it does nothing for me because all I see is the good stuff — mompreneurs espousing how great it is to have so much freedom and flexibility and money and all I think is “What the fuck? What am I doing wrong here?” And it sucks because I think I’m doing it “right” AND it still feels hard sometimes and that frustrates me to no end.

What do I mean about values and priorities competing? This:

• I have boundaries. Clear boundaries. I don’t work when my children are awake, I don’t tweet, I don’t Facebook. This is my choice. I learned very quickly that I suck at both things (parenting & work stuff) if I try to them at the same time.  My kids are awake by 6:30am and go to bed by ~7ishpm. I work while they nap and at night. It also took me two years to accept the fact that I needed “help”. TWO YEARS. Side note…why the hell is it so hard for high achieving, type a women to ask for help? (I now have a baby sitter two mornings a week).
• I also choose to prepare, cook and serve REAL food. Not food out of a box that’s reheated, not fast food (neither of my children know what McDonald’s is or have ever had fast food). And this takes time. This means that I’m making five snacks/meals a day. But health and healthy living is a huge value in our household. So I do this with joy and with the hope I’m teaching my kids to value “health” too.
• I also LOVE what I do – even if I didn’t have to work, I still would because I’m passionate about contributing to this world.  I don’t want to let this piece go AND my family benefits from me earning money. I like making money. A lot.
• Sigh….this list could go on and on…I’ll stop here.

So, what I’m learning is that I’ve got values and priorities that compete and that’s frustrating. And let me be clear and say it’s not my children who frustrate me or my work — it’s simply this stage when it feels like there’s so much I want to do and put out there and create in my business and my time/energy/capacity is limited, and yes I know it’s a choice. It’s a very conscious choice AND a very conscious choice can still feel hard. I’m allowed to feel frustrated sometimes. So are you.

As someone who was able to accomplish so much so quickly in my pre-kid life, I’m having to adapt to “new normal” and it’s hard. When I read the latest article on how to create a product in three days I have to remind myself that I’m living in dog years. Three days is more like three weeks, for me anyways.

So, for any other wannabe WAHM or mompreneurs or WAHM’s out there right now who beat themselves up for not being where they “want” to be or where they think they “should” be….give yourself a break.  This model we’ve created for ourselves is wonderful in so many ways; we get to see our kids take their first steps, speak their first words, we get to enjoy them while they’re little.  And it can also feel like a slow road to complete insanity…ok, that’s probably an exaggeration but essentially we’ve given ourselves three full time jobs:

1. We get to be with our children full time and parent (minus whatever child care hours we can carve out with someone that we trust)
2. We get to manage our home, cook, clean, take care of all the “stuff” that needs to be done
3. AND we get to be entrepreneurs who want to build/grow our businesses and make money

AND we most of us probably want to exercise, look after ourselves, nurture our other friendships, and stay connected with our husband/partner so that when we do experience the “freedom and money and flexibility” we’ve got someone to share it with.  As my business continues to grow you bet I’ll be handing off more of these responsibilities – I’ll get a house cleaner, I’ll have a personal assistant, I’ll have “people”…but as the saying goes “Income before Expenses”.

So – I’m a WAHM, mompreneur, entrepreneur, business owner who feels like it’s hard sometimes. I totally admit it.  I also love it and wouldn’t trade what I’m doing for anything.  I’m doing a lot of things right. My kids are healthy. My husband and I are still in love. My business is growing. I’m happy. But I did just want to share that for me, being a work at home mom isn’t about drinking lattes and eating bon bons all day. It’s a lot of fucking work. My house isn’t as tidy as I’d like it to be, the laundry piles up, I miss out on a few things my non working mom friends do, and… I’m choosing this.

Of course, I’d love to hear your thoughts/comments/questions – drop down to the comments section below and share what came up for you reading this. Thx!

Who Are You Now That You’re a Mom?

Do You Ever Wonder Who You Are Now That You’re a Mom?

You probably had a pretty good grasp of who you were as a human being prior to having children. You were used to thinking about your self as part of a couple or as a career person or an artist or athlete. And then you went and had a baby (or two, or three)…and everything changed.

You became a mom and your role in the world and your self-image shifted. All of a sudden that identity that felt so solid is gone and now you feel like this “mom” role is all consuming. You’re trying to rethink your identity and wondering if there is still a “me” in there and you wonder, “Who is that “me” now? “Who am I now that I’m a mother?” Some days you may even feel like there is no room for you.

Having kids profoundly changes your life. You love your little one(s) more than anything. But sometimes you just can’t shake the feeling that somehow along the way in this motherhood journey you’ve lost a piece of your self. And, it’s taking a toll. You’re a bit more irritable than you used to be, you don’t laugh as much anymore, life just doesn’t feel as fun as it used to….

You may often feel isolated in your experience as a mom and yearn for community, connectedness, and to feel good at doing something again. You want to feel a sense of competence outside of motherhood.

That’s what this blog is going to be talking about. It’s about the titles we carry; our hopes, wishes and dreams; what it means to be a mom in our society; how we’re redefining our identity; our choices and decisions; how we need to push ourselves to live fully and experience life now, today – not someday. It’s about our joy and frustrations; our parenting and our relationships; our selflessness and our selfishness; our fatigue and our energy.

The women before us apparently paved the way and this has caused us to expect that we’d be able to have it all – great career, fabulous relationship, 2.2 kids, and it would all be accomplished with ease. Yet many of us feel frustrated.

If this speaks to you at all, on any level, please leave me a comment

Hey Moms! Do You Have Enough Time or Money Yet?

Um, yes. That title is a joke.

I coach a lot of women who are moms and the two excuses (reasons) I hear the most as to why they’re not doing something for themselves are:

• “I don’t have enough time”
• “I don’t have enough money”

NEWSFLASH: You will never have enough time or money!

I happen to know a lot of Moms. Moms who have teen age or young adult children, moms who have kids in jr/sr. high, moms with children in elementary or preschool and moms who have babies and/or toddlers and guess what – I’ve never had one mom say to me, “I now have so much extra time and money I’m finally going to go do ________________ (fill in the blank with “their thing/goal/dream”).

And I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to feel so squeezed for time and like you just want to press the pause button on your life where everything stands still and you get to have five extra hours in the day. Or the dread when an expected financial surprise pops up and you wonder where you’re going to find that money to pay for it.

Here’s another truth: there will always be things in your life that require your time and your money and your energy. If you don’t put yourself on your own priority list, no one else will. Sounds tough, I know, but it’s true.

I’m not saying that you need to pick a huge goal that’s going to cost a fortune and require 20 hrs a week to accomplish, not at all. I’m saying it’s wise to take good stock of where you’re at in your life and ask yourself “What am I doing just for me?” I mean really just for you – not your family, not your work, not for someone else.

If you can think of two or three things, awesome, if you can’t I want you to start thinking about what you used to do PK (pre-kids) that filled you up or what’s something you’ve always wanted to do (learn a language, take a pottery class, yoga, etc.). Just start daydreaming a little bit. Journal. Brainstorm. Talk with a friend.

Ignore all of the chatter in your head about WHY you can’t do any of these things and create a list with at least 10 things on it.

I’d love it if you’d share what came up for you when you read this. Can you think of something you’d like to do but have been waiting to do it? What is it? Please share your comments below.